


C'est La Vie

by bucky_cap



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bill Weasley is a sugar daddy, Eventual Smut, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone is Dead, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, fred weasley survives the battle of hogwarts but doesnt really live very far beyond that, killing people that george weasley loves, some of the weasleys get violently murdered by magical creatures, somebody hug george weasley, the malfoys have an oedipus complex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-06 01:52:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6733171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucky_cap/pseuds/bucky_cap
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>George Weasley has one fucked up life. Seriously, can people stop doing weird shit for ten fucking minutes in this family? (The answer is no.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preface

When you've got six siblings, it's hard to keep track of them all, and what they're up to. George had his own shit to worry about, and his siblings didn't make that very easy. Not to mention he was somehow the only straight one. The only straight sibling, friend... Hell, George was pretty sure he was the only straight kid at Hogwarts while he was there. His  _wife_ wasn't even straight.

So, the war is over, and miraculously, all of the Weasleys- and their significant others- came out alive. And then things got weird.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione decided to tell everyone that the three of them had been dating since they were all fifteen. Not like anyone was surprised. Harry Potter, a heterosexual? George had seen the way he looked at Cedric. No way in Hell he was straight.

After those three came out, everything got weird. Really weird.


	2. Squid Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fleur really likes calamari.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about this entire fic.

Bill and Fleur got divorced two years after their wedding. Everyone who had attended that was still alive was pretty pissed, seeing as they'd narrowly avoided death because  _someone_ had to go and say the Dark Lord's name.

No one actually knew why the divorce happened for a month or two. Everyone assumed Bill had done something really awful. It was because he was horrible in the bedroom, according to George. Bill insisted it wasn't true, but everyone believed it anyway. I mean, you have to be pretty bad at sex for a girl to leave you for a goddamn squid.

Fleur was the one who told the Weasley family that she divorced Bill to be with her true love, the giant squid in the lake beside Hogwarts. Ever since the Triwizard Tournament, Fleur couldn't stop thinking about him. Which is kind of weird, actually, but no one mentioned it. They just let Fleur move in with her new, squishier, taller, more beautiful husband.

George thought Bill would be really upset that he'd been replaced by a cephalopod, but he wasn't at all.

"I mean, I'm seeing Kingsley now, and he's great," Bill said. "And I've always wanted to be a sugar daddy, and he's letting me do that. Fleur never let me be a sugar daddy, but Kingsley's into it."

George really, really hated his family sometimes.


End file.
